Do you find yourself caring for others more than you allow them to care for you?
Do you have a belief system that you are unworthy of being successful or wealthy?
I would like to share a true story.
A few years ago on the island of Kauai I met Kumu Brenda Ignacio. She was telling me how her kumu Nana Veary once called her an 'Ugly Receiver". This terminology hit her so hard that she vowed to change this in her life.
I, too, was an ugly receiver. I loved to give and give and take care of people all my life. When others wanted to 'gift' me with something I said I don't need it. It brings me back to a place of listening to my own mother when we would ask her what she wanted for her birthday or christmas. Her response was always "just peace and quiet".
I met a man, a former Beverly Hills Surgeon on the island of Molokai about 14 years ago. He had recently lost his wife as I did my husband. He invited a group of us to take a helicopter ride to the island of Ni'ihau, the forbidden island. One is not allowed to visit this island. The only way is to hire a private helicopter (expensive) and spend about 1 hour on the side of the island where there is no one living.
I refused many times. He was sad. I did not 'feel worthy" perhaps to receive such a gift as I knew the cost was high. Perhaps I thought there was a hidden agenda? A few days later he called me when I was back home on the island of Kaua'i. He asked again. I could hear the sadness in his voice that he did not want to go alone. So I went. He allowed me to sit in the front seat for a better view. He told me he wanted to get me one of the precious necklaces made from the rare shells made on that island. They, too are very expensive. I expressed I did not need this and the ride was sufficient.
So, now I must backstep. The reason I went to Molokai was I heard a voice on the beach one day (in my head), that I must go. There was actually a giggle along with the message. I asked for 3 signs to validate this message. Yes, I received them. I immediately went to the travel agent to book 2 tickets to this island for myself and a friend. Curiously, the agent had a puzzled look on her face and said there was no availability . She came back in a few minutes to say the Hula Festival was happening at that time and perhaps that was why the seats were sold out. As we chatted her expression changed to amazement. She said "you won't believe this, 2 seats just opened?" I did not hesitate to say "I will take it". With no available cars or hotels, I purchased the tickets.
Long story short, I listened to a message. A hotel space opened at half price and a convertible car became available. I thought I was going to a Hula Festival. It was because I listened to this message I met this surgeon. We enjoyed a wonderful day together. He seemed so happy. Later we went into the shop where they sold those special necklaces. He told me to pick one out. I said "oh no, I don't need one". He said "money is no object". I did not have a concept of that in my life. I still responded I could not accept this gift. Then he said "Think of it this way. A famous person needed their gallbladder out, I removed it, they are paying for the necklace." I chuckled. I was very resistant obviously. Then he gently took my hand and said let's go outside. It was here that he said "I was sent to teach you how to receive". Oh my gosh, I cried and shook and cried. Today, I have a beautiful rare necklace to remind me of this kind and gentle soul who started to teach me about receiving.
On the last day of his visit to the islands he thanked me. Me? He said I was the first person in his life that did not expect or want anything from him. He shared I was the first person who spent time with him without an agenda or asking for his money. WOW! How amazing this man was able to open to receive my generosity too. If I had not opened to receive he would not have opened to experience what I can give. Such a beautiful exchange of energy
My journey did not stop here. On the island of Oahu, Kumu Carol Leialoha also taught me about receiving. It was quite comical actually. We constantly gifted each other for 3 days little trinkets, food, etc. It was like Christmas morning every hour. I found myself having a challenge receiving all her little gifts as I wanted to be the one giving.
I learned that if it brings me joy to give, then surely it brings others the same joy. Who am I to limit their joy?
Recently, I found myself in a situation needing more help. My sisters came to help me move, pack and unpack. I was grateful and this was easy for me to receive. Then they started to purchase me items they knew I could use for my office space and it was uncomfortable for me to have them spend their money. They wanted to help, I cried. Every night I went to sleep crying. I realized that I was an UGLY RECEIVER. I was having a challenge allowing them to spend money on me. Why me? Well geesh Gloria you spent money on people all your life! You asked in your prayers to be open to receiving! Well Girl, it was sent, now receive!
I realize that many of us in the care giving positions may have this challenge. I have heard it often from my colleagues and students. To create the balance in our life, in our world it is a yin and yang. A giving and a receiving. Who are we to stop this natural flow?
So open to receiving the gifts that are ready and available for you. Open to allowing others the joy of giving and caring for you! Be a BEAUTIFUL RECEIVER!
Enjoy the journey ~
Gloria
Mana ~Energy Exchange
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